So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
