Jerry, you need to find god
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
