So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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