if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
