so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
