does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
