you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
