I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
