you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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