you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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