she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
