Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
