I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
