I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
