I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
