I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize