did you get engaged???
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
