wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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