he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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