i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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