It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
two words: eviction party
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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