I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
