ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
