u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize