Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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