i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
