I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize