Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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