I am in a vortex of obligation.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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