if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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