I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You are the jesus of drinking
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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