dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
