just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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