we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
