Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
