Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize