On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
