I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just high enough for therapy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
