Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
