I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How does it feel to date your dad?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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