Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you had me at cake vodka
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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