somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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