Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize