I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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