Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you will always have a special place in my vag
where are you?
Hypothermia
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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