I want to stick my p in your. b.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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