i will never coherently bang her
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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