Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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