cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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