Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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