How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
