i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
