you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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