There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
