Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
