just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
