Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
