I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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