My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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