If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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