I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
