If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
