Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
