Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
