am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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