Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
