If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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