Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she told me i tasted like america
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
