this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
